New Psych, New Meds, New hair.

When I look at the title, I sound busier than I actually am! Well, following on from lockdown, I decided to go back onto SSRI’s and this time, I’m on Celexa, which is definitely helping me with my depression! Since for me, depression and BPD go hand in hand and is something that I have struggled with since I was 14, I’m not willing to come off them anytime soon, that is not until lock down is totally relaxed and life resembles some kind of normal again.

I noticed the effects almost immediately and I’m able to get out of bed, to do things, like my actual hobbies and the ‘lows’ are nowhere near as low as I normally feel.

But….(ah, there’s always a but with BPD!) I still would feel stressed easily and my highs and lows had a big difference between them and quite frankly, I’m just tired of always feeling up and down for no apparent reason and then trying to work around my moods.

Add to that, that in my new relationship I was having problems with managing my anger when in any kind of heated discussion or argument, I decided to book a private psych. Now I am not rich by any means, but I do believe in investing in yourself, especially mental health as I have come to realise without mental health, everything else quite basically, can fall apart.

So, forking money out for treatment which may impact my well being for the rest of my future seems like a small investment to me.

I discussed my moods and I’ve been put on Abilify.

Ah Abilify let me tell you, I don’t want to jinx it but I felt a difference on the second day! It hasn’t zombified me like seroquel and I have more energy instead of less. I get up more, I do more, I don’t want to stay in my room all day, which I thought was just part of my normal life for me and always would be. I actually leave and socialise more, whereas before I would force myself, I now spend longer with my mum and chat for longer periods of time before holing myself back up again, and it feels easy, not draining like it used to. Being around people was exhausting as I struggled to manage my mood and appear outwardly normal and respond appropriately. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

It’s still early days and I haven’t experienced a disagreement with my SO yet. I guess I’ll know just how effective it is when I’m under a lot of stress or when I’m seriously triggered, but for now, I’m cautiously optimistic.

As for the hair? I’m spending my evening trying to get it pink.