I believe I have an internal alarm clock alerting me to when I haven’t posted on here past a week. So, here I am with another update.
I mentioned in my previous post that I had made some changes so that I could live my life a little better and get out of the crisis rut I had been in. Well I’ve dropped work to afternoons and part-time, maybe that sounds lazy but to me, managing the commute and work with my illness was too much and didnt give me the time I needed to do the things I want.
In 2016 I outlined some of my core values with my therapist. Spirituality amongst other things ranked much higher on the list than my job. I also have little to 0 interest in what I do. The idea that people enjoy their work and it’s in a field of their passion baffles me. I’m not expecting work to be fun and laughter all the time but I would like to get lost in what I do sometimes.
I’m awaiting interviews for a position closer to home. Like 10 minutes close, which I’m sure will help on the nights I don’t sleep because my brain randomly stays up, (NB pretty much every night). And if I’m not feeling well I’m sure I can muster enough for a journey to sit ill at my desk.
That alone has made an impact but I also decided to visualise how I want my life to look sans BPD. I would have more friends and a better connection with my existing ones. So that’s what I did. I reached out online, in person, I even met someone who I’m going for a coffee with at my bus stop. The fact that none of these people have BPD is refreshing. There’s just so much more to talk about.
I’ve also started posting and focusing on my poetry and spoken word work and this is on my instagram. People seem to like it! I always thought it was corny but creating something everyday gives me a feeling of satisfaction and expression. It appears mental illness has always been food for creativity. I’m even considering trying to get published!
I used to scoff at the ‘try new hobbies’ advice. How would I know if I’m good enough at said new hobby? And if I’m not, I’ll get fed up and quit before anything even started. But, I have had the idea of photography in the back of my mind for years. I just didn’t pursue it. I am now! I got some really good pictures in Spain and that gave me the encouragement I needed to go ahead. A friend’s given me articles for tips and is willing to give me advice when I need it. At the moment I’m image editing whenever I post poetry so it goes hand in hand. It’s a lot of fun, it’s like I have a curiosity for life again.
I don’t want to turn this into a drawn out post, but I just wanted to update. I’m awaiting my date and this is helping ease the nerves.