I just have this feeling, since my post yesterday (turns out I’m actually ill all along and that has affected my moods!) about moving on from BPD, that I’m not so sure I fit the diagnosis anymore (yet another checklist of things to talk about in therapy).
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. It’s hard to say but, I didn’t do this in my last break up, and I don’t do this with friends or family. I don’t know if it’ll reappear but I’m going to go for a no.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. I don’t do this, I don’t idealise or devaluate anyone. I am choosy about who I like and then, well, I like them. I do struggle with my mum and sister at times, but those are well regulated, and well, there are issues they have of their own.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. I have found a lot of things I like, I watch movies on my own that I like, I know I have hobbies that have stuck with me, my religious affiliation has stuck with me for 6 years. It makes me so happy when I go out with my friend and I show her something I like and she says ‘that’s so you’. woohoo.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging.(e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). I don’t do any of these. I know I have poor boundaries when it comes to sex when I’m emotionally attached, so that’s something I’m working on in therapy. But it’s not impulsive.
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, of selfmutilating behavior. Nope.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). This is the only I feel like I have, but even then, this past week it’s happened may not have been my BPD at all, I was actually coming down with something and am now recuperating!
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. No I don’t feel ’empty’ I do find it hard to live for myself, without close connection but I am learning. I can also more likely feel bored, than empty.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). I experience anger yes, I don’t experience constant anger, and it’s not frequent either.
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Not anymore, because I don’t listen to it, and with check the facts, even the lesser paranoid ideation goes quickly as once I’ve checked, I let it go. I can feel a little paranoid about my manager at work, but that’s because she’s a ‘back seat’ boss who doesn’t really tell you what she thinks to your face so that could feed it, even then whatever will be, will be.
Thinking in Grey 
So, um, I’ve been monitoring my blood glucose levels lately and talking to a friend who is diabetic. With some dietary changes, I’ve been in markedly better moods and pretty much feel just fine. I’m still evaluating for longer term cycles just in case. Overall, I’m getting the sense that I’ve more been dealing with some psychological baggage plus some physiological issues. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation, I definitely hope you continue to consider your health holistically and not feel trapped into a particular diagnosis. Fairly recently I had a fairly intense experience that landed me in the hospital on a involuntary psychiatric hold. Interestingly, in the US, the law requires evidence of a threat to self or others…which was not the case. I was definitely in a very high mental overdrive. During my stay, I had a primary physician that intended to send me off to some sort of inpatient facility. Fortunately, my family finally stepped up and supported my efforts to leave against medical advice. And I’m pretty much fine. In fact, I’m both functioning at a very high level and things are really just falling perfectly into place on all fronts. Physically, professionally, personally, every area is syncing into place very nicely. If you’re heading in a similar direction, then it may be more a case of re-arranging your life to suit the way you need/want it to be to express and be yourself as you are. That’s something you have to figure out for yourself…but be sure you are listening to yourself and perhaps trust your instincts and find your anchor. As always, thanks for sharing!
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Thank you, it’s great to hear how good thing are going for you. I am definetly going to look at things on all levels but I do find it helpful and interesting to chalk up against the criteria from time to time.
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You really make it seem really easy together with your presentation but I find this topic to be really one thing that I think I’d by no means understand. It sort of feels too complex and extremely large for me. I am having a look forward in your next put up, I will attempt to get the hold of it!
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Thank you for the compliment. 🙂 If you have any questions I’d be more than happy to try to answer them!
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