I have to admit I haven’t been doing my daily self-dbt work for a while. I have been good but there are times when I am really holding my breath and inwardly feeling anger or bitter at the reality of a situation, such as when there’s massive delays on my way home and they make me even more exhausted than what I already am. I also have moments where I feel like I will act out and feel a bit down and even though I don’t act out, and I am able to see it through, I still have the emotions. I feel like this is part of my BPD that I may not be able to shake off, it just happens. When I have a stretch of time, usually on sundays, this is when it creeps up.
I did a few things to see me through but, I want to try radical acceptance today as I feel like this may be able to help me.
Radical acceptance is for when you cannot keep painful events or emotions from coming your way. In this case, the painful emotions. I accept them in my mind, my heart and my body. I accept that they are a part of my BPD, that they occur at the times they occur. I am not bitter about it, it is just a part of my reality. The same way some sicknesses are a part of some people’s reality, BPD is my sickness and my reality. I am not bitter. This is a fact about my present moment that that’s how things are for me. Everything has a cause – and I know many of them for me.
Life can be worth living even with painful events in it. – Even though I feel pain at times, when there is no trigger, life can still be worth living, and it is worth living. I have way more good times than bad, and even with the bad moments, they do not last forever. I may have BPD my whole life, but my life is filled with many things that make me happy and make it worthwhile.
Rejecting reality does not change reality – I will still have BPD, and most likely have those moments again. There is no point in rejecting it, or trying to, I still have BPD.
Changing reality requires first accepting reality. – I can’t recover or do anything about thsoe moments if I’m busy rejecting it, or being bitter about it. In fact, I am doing things to help me through it. Radically accepting it!
Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering – yes, I feel a little bummed out, if I try to reject that’s my reality right now, I will feel sorry for myself, and find myself in a deeper rut.
Refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness (makes sense since you can’t even improve the moment), bitterness (rejecting reality, why me?), anger (used to hate the world), sadness, shame, or other painful emotions.
Acceptance may lead to sadness but deep calmness usually follows. It’s okay for me to feel this way. It doesn’t make me bad or wrong. I have BPD and there are things that I will experience, it’s just part of it. It’s nothing to feel bad about, or beat myself up over. I am doing the best I can. I didn’t act out. It’s not my fault. I do feel a little calmer after writing this out. I feel like I took a sad moment and did something good with it. Plus, I self soothed put some fragrance on as I’m a sucker for nice smells. Lit a candy scented incense stick (mmm) and I am going to keep binge watching my favourite show. 🙂
I accept that this is my reality. I am not disappointed or sad, so they are not arising in me (luckily). I used half smiling, willing hands, prayer, mindulfness meditation and tried my best to accept with mind, body and spirit.
Turning the mind also comes on the next page. It says turning the mind is choosing to accept. I am choosing to accept this.