So I read somewhere it’s important to have some sort of direction for your therapy as without it you could be wasting time and not making any progress. This hasn’t happened to me since I started last year and I’m pretty confident in my choice of psychologist for that to happen but nevertheless I think having a bit more of a narrow focus may help me now that I seem to be out of potential crises a lot more than before. (I used to be emotionally triggered and have so much to say that therapy was crucial not optional).
This seemingly happy contentment I seem to be in lately is confusing me. On the one hand I have no idea if it’s just external factors making me that way or whether it truly is coming from improvement. If it’s come from improvement I find myself wondering – well do I really need to spend as much as I am on therapy? Do I really need it anymore at all? But then a part of me wonders whether it’s just a false sense of security and that I shouldn’t wait for things to happen before I feel like I need to check back in. (Due to studies I took about 3/4 months off therapy last year and there were a few problem events/behaviours that cropped up in that time). I don’t want to have to go to therapy only when I am surrounded by enough challenges or problematic events to warrant it.
So perhaps by listing some of the goals I’ll know when it’s truly time for me to quit, if that time ever comes.
First session next week (FINALLY IT’S BEEN SO LONG) – I want to talk about my addiction. I want to discuss it get some insight and potentially see if therapy heals this.
I want to talk about men and my seemingly poor boundaries I’ve suffered from. This may or may not sadly include even more work on childhood sexual abuse even though I’ve kind of mentioned it in therapy before.
I want to discuss indicators of progress, discussing healthy relationships with non BPD friends and partners. How do I know when I’m truly ready? Is there ever a ‘right time’, or is it just an illusion and you have to go in head first?
I want to discuss the possibility of me becoming a psychologist. This one is huge for me. Weirdly, since I have spent time being truly single this desire has cropped up in me that had lain dormant for a few years. I really truly want to know whether with my BPD I can still pursue this dream. With my psychologist’s go ahead, and if there are positive changes to tuition fees I will be off faster than something really fast, (I’m brain dead right now give me a break) to go study for a Masters.
I want to talk about my (possible?) theory of BPD (or A theory of BPD, or possibly just some ramblings on BPD at best??). As a sufferer I feel like I have gained some insight that I need someone professional to bounce ideas off of.
When I tot this up, it’s about 3 and ahalf months at least of therapy with my psych. I also want to complete the other two modules of DBT (Distress tolerance and Interpersonal effectiveness) at some point. I’ve missed the summer period for this so it’ll have to be in the autumn running, hopefully I’ll have enough to pay for them then.
If I want to be really thorough I wanted to have some EMDR sessions which I’m guessing would be about 3 months too.
All in all, I think it’s safe to say this will take me through to December & with EMDR added possibly onto Spring of next year.
Watch. This. Space.