So after a 3 week break (ish). I am back at work and going to start in my new job. I still feel like no matter how much time I take off and the fact it’s part-time I still hate going to work. I’m lucky that I got something that’s been better than I’ve had. So I’m going to try to use DBT tonight to get some perspective and see if it helps me.
There’s a page that says ‘Tips for using behaviour change strategies effectively.’
To increase behaviour (i.e. work) reinforce by adding positive consequences. Remove aversive consequences. So the positive is, I’ll be back in therapy in 1 week or 2 because I’ll get paid and can book it, I’ve already emailed him so I can feel like it’s happening sooner (lol). The aversive consequence = being broke. I could buy myself something when I get paid to feel not so bad. There’s a dress I want so I’ll get that as soon as I can.
So there’s some dialectical thinking I wanted to add. At times you need to both control AND tolerate your emotions. So I know I don’t want to go but I need to and I can tolerate that feeling. Under a section titled important Opposites to Balance it says ‘working AND resting’ well technically I’m working less days than I have off so this applies here. Doing things you need to do AND doing things you want to do. I guess this comes under doing something I need to do AND I can relax when I get home or on my days off. Accepting reality AND working to change it. I need to accept I have to work here for a while AND I am working to change it by applying for other jobs.
I can also validate myself. There is a valid reason for me not wanting to (after all who wants to). It’s okay for me to feel like I don’t want to. It’s okay for me to feel anxious it is a new place with new people doing some things I haven’t done before.
Dialectical thinking also means letting go of extremes so: It’s never really as bad as I imagine in my head. I could actually have a really nice day tomorrow. There’s no pressure to be good right away, the first week is usually just learning everything anyway. Make lemonade out of lemons: I’ve kind of already done this. I need this for my recovery I need to remind myself there is a reason for this. It’s good for me it’s going to help me get better and do better in future positions.
I’m noticing judgemental thoughts ‘It’s going to be bad/hard/I’m going to be tired/under pressure’. These are all judgements and not necessarily true.
Embrace change: Allow it. Embrace it. I need to accept this is a new change and to embrace it and try to make the most of it by being as uplifted as I can be.
Pay attention to your effect on others and how they affect you: I will try to effect them positively, talk, be friendly, get to know everyone, be professional and hopefully get the same back. I’ll try to keep a mental tab on who affects me and in what way if I can remember.
After doing this, I do feel a little better. I see now that the negative thinking is once again just one interpretation out of so many. It’s probably going to be way better than I expect it to be. I might even be happy to be out of the house.